In my last post I spoke openly about finding certain titles I can use within the family. There were more I found by couldn't talk about them because a) the post was overly long for a blog and I felt it needed ending and b) it was coming up to midnight and I wanted to have posted on that day to make up for a five day absence. I then woke up late and responded to a "million and one" posts trying to defend the straight boy of using queer ships and queer fans to win certain polls and awards but then advocating for the death of one of the few canonically queer characters and showing no intention of queer representation even though the show runner has stated that his character is open to "exploring bisexuality" as that's how he always intended him to be, and then hammering on in interviews how straight the character is. My my, straight people do love to hide straight privilege and throw the openly gay writer under the bus and blame him for the interview. Yes I am sure he sat behind him and held a gun to his neck and forced him to say that.
Anyway my Tumblr is already full of it, I don't want to discuss it here also. But yes, that is why there is a day between both posts because I was dealing with Tumblr issues. Aren't I always dealing with oppressive bigots on Tumblr? Now where was I? Given that my last relationship was horrible strained because I didn't feel like a girlfriend and couldn't engage and feel comfortable addressed like even though I really did like and was attracted to the person at the time, I was still unsure of my gender hugely and suffering an identity crises the whole time. A large part of why my relationship fell apart. Being pangender I have never left like a girlfriend or boyfriend, I've never truly felt comfortable being forced into this binary world. To discovery that there was non-binary alternatives for me to use was amazing. I could be in relationships with people and not be forced to misgender myself based on the mistake doctors make.
For example I discovered that a very causal, non serious relationship it is acceptable to asked to be referred to as simply date. Date is a neutral term to call someone you are on a date with; another one is datefriend. A lot like boyfriend and girlfriend only more gender neutral. A rhyming version of datefriend is datemate, more causal and very gender neutral. Doesn't really sound like you are in a relationship with someone though, in my personal opinion. Lover was another suggestion, however this implies a sexual relationship so you really could not introduce someone to your parents as "this is my lover ____". Lover is however very gender neutral and unless you hang out with horrible slut shaming people, lover would be acceptable to use when with close friends. For a queer option boifirend is available. Boi like womyn, is use of binary terms but making them queer to describe gender identity. While boi was a queer term, its no longer exclusively clear and has been used via texts which predate most of in internet, but while once referring to gay men or butch lesbians/non-binary. Boi has become a separate gender identity in some cases, for this reason I don't think I will be using boi. Two other queer names are girlboyfriend or boygirlfriend. I suppose these two would work for someone who was bigender but not really for someone who is pangender, I identify as more then just the two binary genders. Paramour is another gender neutral term I have seen used, however a paramour is a someone you have having sexual relationships with so like lover if using it should be used somewhere carefully. Telling your grandparents this is your paramour is not suggested. Bothfriend was another queer term that can used instead of girlfriend and boyfriend; however this again doesn't really "fit" me. This term would be great for someone bigender or genderfluid even but to me this seems just as much misgendering as girlfriend or boyfriend. Gender queeries also suggested queer term genderfriend, similar to boyfriend and girlfriend. Genderfriend is okay I suppose but I'm not sure I would want to use it for myself. Sweetie and sweetheart were also two cute gender neutral, if not slightly cheesy suggestions mentioned. These would make cute nicknames along side baby and babe but I would not want to be introduced as "this is my sweetheart Morgan". I'm not in 'The Notebook'! [name]friend, where you just fill in the name with Morganfriend, pangenderfriend, etc etc is another queer option open to non binary people based on boyfriend and girlfriend. I am not really a fan of this one personally, but it is a good idea for people to use if they don't feel anything "fits" them. Cuddle buddy is a neutral, very cheesy suggestion that could also be used; however introducing someone like this is bound to result in fits of laughter. Even if the people are the open minded sweetest people, its just the one it sounds. Birlfriend is another queer option, possibly coined because of the implications of a white person using "boi" given that boi was originally coined by black gay men. I don't mind birlfriend but birl sounds like you're about to be sick so I wouldn't want someone to call me a birl. Birl is a combination of boy and girl, so not really suitable for someone who is pangender. Feyfriend is considered a gender neutral term but has queer roots, I actually quite like this one. Feyfriend is cute and doesn't misgender me. Personfriend, like feyfriend, is considered a gender neutral term but has queer roots. This is a lot like genderfriend too me. I don't know, personally I find them dehumanizing and don't see any chance of me using them ever. The last one on the list for non serious relationships; was enbyfriend. Enby comes from non-binary and is pronounced NB. So far enbyfriend is my favourite with feyfriend being a close second. As someone who is pangender I find these two suit me the best.
Now for more serious committed relationships, but not marriage or engagement there was a number of titles and names you could call a non-binary and genderqueer person. Some where repeated such as boifriend, boygirlfriend, girlboyfriend, paramour, bothfriend, genderfriend, sweetie, sweetheart, [name]friend, cuddle buddy, birlfriend, feyfriend, personfriend, and enbyfriend so I won't talk about these again. Others however included partner. Partner is perfectly acceptable and neutral term to call someone, my parents have used this for years also due to the many complications of their relationship. Significant other is another neutral term, which is acceptable to say but has a very formal view to it. More informal is its shortened version on S.O. This might be the fan inside me talking but S.O just makes me think of S.H.I.E.L.D terminology S.O being used as Supervising Officer. Other half is another gender neutral term which could be applied, if you are monogamous which I do think I am. I haven't really thought or considered polygamous relationships. Steady is a suggested term as in "going steady", but I'm not sure you can call someone your steady. Steady what? Another suggestion name was the gender neutral term soul mate. As a big fan of both 'Xena: Warrior Princess' and 'Supernatural' and as a very spiritual person I do believe in soul mates and I do love the term, however I kind of feel it might sound odd introducing someone as your soul mate. I don't want to come across as a "love sick" twelve year old. The last suggestion was another gender neutral term called loveperson. For me personally I feel I might just use both feyfriend and enbyfriend for both my causal and serious relationships.
As for an queer alternative to fiancee and fiance, there isn't one technically. Words are always changing and the world is still trying to erasure queer people so maybe in time we will have a version of fiancee/fiance. There were some terms you could use for when you were engaged however. Partner, significant other, S.O, other half, sweetie, sweetheart, cuddle buddy, steady, soul mate and loveperson were all suggestions to use. There was only one new suggestion that had not been used before, betrothed. To me this sounds too formal and unnatural on the tongue. Maybe until language develops I will just have someone introduce me as someone they're engaged too.
The same story is for wife and husband. There is no queer alternative non-binary people can use. Gender queeries offered Partner, significant other, S.O, other half, sweetie, sweetheart, cuddle buddy, steady, soul mate and loveperson with the exception of spouse instead of betrothed. I have heard spouse used many times and it is a nice gender neutral term, but I still want a queer version for wife and husband. Anyone can be a spouse but I want a non-binary word that describes all non-binary people. Hopefully language will soon evolve and there will be a legal marriage name for someone like me, until there is I have high doubts that I won't get married.
There are again more titles which I want to share but I am saving them for another blog post so this one does not run too long. I believe the next post should be my last one on titles but I could have to make it four; I know titles are not really an "exciting" pangender issue but they are important to me.
For example I discovered that a very causal, non serious relationship it is acceptable to asked to be referred to as simply date. Date is a neutral term to call someone you are on a date with; another one is datefriend. A lot like boyfriend and girlfriend only more gender neutral. A rhyming version of datefriend is datemate, more causal and very gender neutral. Doesn't really sound like you are in a relationship with someone though, in my personal opinion. Lover was another suggestion, however this implies a sexual relationship so you really could not introduce someone to your parents as "this is my lover ____". Lover is however very gender neutral and unless you hang out with horrible slut shaming people, lover would be acceptable to use when with close friends. For a queer option boifirend is available. Boi like womyn, is use of binary terms but making them queer to describe gender identity. While boi was a queer term, its no longer exclusively clear and has been used via texts which predate most of in internet, but while once referring to gay men or butch lesbians/non-binary. Boi has become a separate gender identity in some cases, for this reason I don't think I will be using boi. Two other queer names are girlboyfriend or boygirlfriend. I suppose these two would work for someone who was bigender but not really for someone who is pangender, I identify as more then just the two binary genders. Paramour is another gender neutral term I have seen used, however a paramour is a someone you have having sexual relationships with so like lover if using it should be used somewhere carefully. Telling your grandparents this is your paramour is not suggested. Bothfriend was another queer term that can used instead of girlfriend and boyfriend; however this again doesn't really "fit" me. This term would be great for someone bigender or genderfluid even but to me this seems just as much misgendering as girlfriend or boyfriend. Gender queeries also suggested queer term genderfriend, similar to boyfriend and girlfriend. Genderfriend is okay I suppose but I'm not sure I would want to use it for myself. Sweetie and sweetheart were also two cute gender neutral, if not slightly cheesy suggestions mentioned. These would make cute nicknames along side baby and babe but I would not want to be introduced as "this is my sweetheart Morgan". I'm not in 'The Notebook'! [name]friend, where you just fill in the name with Morganfriend, pangenderfriend, etc etc is another queer option open to non binary people based on boyfriend and girlfriend. I am not really a fan of this one personally, but it is a good idea for people to use if they don't feel anything "fits" them. Cuddle buddy is a neutral, very cheesy suggestion that could also be used; however introducing someone like this is bound to result in fits of laughter. Even if the people are the open minded sweetest people, its just the one it sounds. Birlfriend is another queer option, possibly coined because of the implications of a white person using "boi" given that boi was originally coined by black gay men. I don't mind birlfriend but birl sounds like you're about to be sick so I wouldn't want someone to call me a birl. Birl is a combination of boy and girl, so not really suitable for someone who is pangender. Feyfriend is considered a gender neutral term but has queer roots, I actually quite like this one. Feyfriend is cute and doesn't misgender me. Personfriend, like feyfriend, is considered a gender neutral term but has queer roots. This is a lot like genderfriend too me. I don't know, personally I find them dehumanizing and don't see any chance of me using them ever. The last one on the list for non serious relationships; was enbyfriend. Enby comes from non-binary and is pronounced NB. So far enbyfriend is my favourite with feyfriend being a close second. As someone who is pangender I find these two suit me the best.
Now for more serious committed relationships, but not marriage or engagement there was a number of titles and names you could call a non-binary and genderqueer person. Some where repeated such as boifriend, boygirlfriend, girlboyfriend, paramour, bothfriend, genderfriend, sweetie, sweetheart, [name]friend, cuddle buddy, birlfriend, feyfriend, personfriend, and enbyfriend so I won't talk about these again. Others however included partner. Partner is perfectly acceptable and neutral term to call someone, my parents have used this for years also due to the many complications of their relationship. Significant other is another neutral term, which is acceptable to say but has a very formal view to it. More informal is its shortened version on S.O. This might be the fan inside me talking but S.O just makes me think of S.H.I.E.L.D terminology S.O being used as Supervising Officer. Other half is another gender neutral term which could be applied, if you are monogamous which I do think I am. I haven't really thought or considered polygamous relationships. Steady is a suggested term as in "going steady", but I'm not sure you can call someone your steady. Steady what? Another suggestion name was the gender neutral term soul mate. As a big fan of both 'Xena: Warrior Princess' and 'Supernatural' and as a very spiritual person I do believe in soul mates and I do love the term, however I kind of feel it might sound odd introducing someone as your soul mate. I don't want to come across as a "love sick" twelve year old. The last suggestion was another gender neutral term called loveperson. For me personally I feel I might just use both feyfriend and enbyfriend for both my causal and serious relationships.
As for an queer alternative to fiancee and fiance, there isn't one technically. Words are always changing and the world is still trying to erasure queer people so maybe in time we will have a version of fiancee/fiance. There were some terms you could use for when you were engaged however. Partner, significant other, S.O, other half, sweetie, sweetheart, cuddle buddy, steady, soul mate and loveperson were all suggestions to use. There was only one new suggestion that had not been used before, betrothed. To me this sounds too formal and unnatural on the tongue. Maybe until language develops I will just have someone introduce me as someone they're engaged too.
The same story is for wife and husband. There is no queer alternative non-binary people can use. Gender queeries offered Partner, significant other, S.O, other half, sweetie, sweetheart, cuddle buddy, steady, soul mate and loveperson with the exception of spouse instead of betrothed. I have heard spouse used many times and it is a nice gender neutral term, but I still want a queer version for wife and husband. Anyone can be a spouse but I want a non-binary word that describes all non-binary people. Hopefully language will soon evolve and there will be a legal marriage name for someone like me, until there is I have high doubts that I won't get married.
There are again more titles which I want to share but I am saving them for another blog post so this one does not run too long. I believe the next post should be my last one on titles but I could have to make it four; I know titles are not really an "exciting" pangender issue but they are important to me.
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