What Does Pangender Mean To Me?

So my article was declined, sadly. It does happen though, one can not be a good writer and get upset over negative work or declinements. You must pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes. No one really had a suitable section for my article-even though about a music video music should have been a suitable section-and my publisher didn't like the quality of my work. I am disappointed and I won't pretend that I am not, however I will learn from this. I will make sure my work is of better quality next time, although I don't know how zero spelling mistakes, perfect grammar, neat paragraphs and clear subheadings could be of better quality. Of course they could have been referring to someone who is too-white-but-not-white-enough writing about discrimination against Japanese. I admit I did not have first hand experience so my article was let down in that area. Oh well, time must go on.

I wanted to dedicate a special post today to talk about why being pangender means to me. Yesterday on Tumblr while scrolling though the pangender tab I came across a post which accused all pangenders of being "white" and then accused all pangenders of cultural appropriation of genders specific to POC cultures. I did of course respond, explain the correct meaning of pangender, suggested they use Experience Project and forums to connect with other pangenders and linked them to this blog. Of course then it hit me, this blog I started up to give a deeper insight to what is pangender, pangender individuals and to explore the experiences that I faced as a pangender which people of non-binary and genderqueer face also. I haven't really done that in my posts, how can I educate when I do not give means to give people an education. 

People really don't seem to know anything about what is pangender at all; pangender is not an excuse for Angelo-Saxon white people to appropriate cultures of others. People of all races, and ethnicities can be pangender. Pangender means "all genders", pan being the Greek word for all. This does not mean pangenders claim to be Two-Spirit or Hijra. There are two binary genders, male and female. Then there is others like agender, trigender and so on. Pangender is being able to identify with all the genders, that some days you have boy days but you're not fully a boy, some days you have girl days but you're not fully a girl, some days you have genderless days but you're not fully genderless, some days you have days where your not fully sure of your gender but you're not fully that other gender and some days you feel like your all the genders at once. It's very similar to genderfluid, bigender or trigender however they are not the same. If pangender is cultural appropriation then so must these be.

I don't see pangender as stealing from specific cultures, and I am sure anyone who took the time to research and understand pangender wouldn't either. Western society has different names for gender and all sorts of names, pangender is one of them that many people identify with. Pangender is a word only used in English speaking countries and still not a even recognized as an legal gender. In the UK we still live in the cissexist and binarist society where biological sex equals gender; which is only true if you are cisgender. For anyone else this is not true one bit. For many people are trans binary or even non-binary individuals. Being pangender means I have to face a world where people tell me I don't exist or that my gender identity is cultural appropriation of a culture they themselves aren't even part off so how could know? They seem to have no knowledge of any of these other genders, nor my own. People are so quick to make bigotry assumptions with no care to whom they hurt by their assumptions. People take the world "all" and seem to draw assumptions that it applies to every single country and every single culture-which is ridiculous at best, offensive at most.

I am pangender. My name is Morgan Kaged and I live the same way you do. My gender does not make me different. Today I feel like "boy" is more dominate gender force; I want to be flat and have a penis and be seen as a boy. My sister told me that even with a binder, which I really want, that I'll never look fully as a boy should. This hurt me deeply because she was telling me that I did not match my gender, when in reality what is gender? How do our facial appearances match gender? Even though I feel as if I am a boy, I feel as though I am not fully a boy. Girl, genderless, other gender are still present in my gender identity however today I feel more as a boy. Yes it is similar to genderfluid and yes I do experience days where I am mix of two or three different genders however the others are still present just not as strong. I am never fully one gender. That is what it means to me to be pangender.

I can't speak for everyone who is pangender, I can only speak for me and my experiences and my feelings. Everyone is different and that includes how they feel and express their gender. Not one person can speak for everyone, this is inaccurate and wrong. Just because I experience something in a certain way, doesn't mean every single pangender person experiences what I feel. There are stereotypes drawn, even though not all of them are hurtful and offensive, they are still stereotypes and still wrong. Pangenders face enough discrimination without fighting stereotypes.

What pangender means to me is that I am all genders. I am not one gender, and never will be. I am not one gender on certain days but I might feel that gender more then the others. This is why I prefer gender neutral pronouns and titles, because gender titles I feel erase part of my identity. This is form of misgendering but not fully misgendering. You can call me a she because I am a girl but you are ignoring that I am also a boy, something else, something in between, and genderless at the same time. You are erasing my identity and gender therefore you are misgendering me. I chose Mx as my title because I feel it is the best one to represent my mixture of genders that inside me, that I never ignoring my identity because Mx covers them all. I know some people take off offensive with Mix or Mixter but I feel its me. To me its a great title for pangender, bigender, trigender and genderfluid people but again I can not speak for everyone. My chose of title is to express how I see myself and my pangender.

No one can take away my gender, you can pretend I don't exist, you can make prejudice assumptions, you can discriminate, you can be a binarist, you can be a cissexist, but you can not change who I am. I am pangender not because I want to steal from other cultures but because it is a term that perfectly fits and suits me best. Its not special snowflake syndrome to pretend I am oppressed, no one is pretending to be pangender. I am just me. I am just Morgan Kaged.