But How Could You?

I am so full of rage and hated, I don't want to be but I am. I guess I don't really have much of a life, it seems to be the burden of all trans and non-binary people to live harsh lives full of sorrow. Now my life isn't bad because I am non-binary, I am closeted after all but my gender does play a part no matter how I am hidden.

Today started out okay, I guess. I did a food shop with my mother in town, one woman who apperently gendered wrapping paper called me a "girl" but I didn't say anything. I get it, narrow minded people associate breasts with being a "girl" but at nineteen am I really even in the right age range for that? But then again I do call myself an enby which is the closted thing to an non-binary equalifient. I wish for was more words to describe me. But in whole the trip was great, I could pretend I was normal for once.

But then I came out. My mother's loser-jerk of a husband had invadied and violented my privacy. I was so angry that I screamed and yelled at him; I can't believe she remarried him sometimes. When she divorced him I finally believed that I could truly be part of the family. How wrong was I? Either way after everything he did to me she still decided to take him back.

Its ironic her sister and my sister had one fight and she totally cuts my auntie out of her life for my sister yet she was okay to force me to move back in with that lowlife. I once asked that I never had to see him, he was still in our house the whole time. She's can't do nothing for me, she doesn't care to even try.

Its not like this is the first time, the man has always always resented me. Growing up I was repeately told to "go fuck off and find your real Dad" and reminded completely as my status as a bastard child. When they first seperated he even called me up and told me I wasn't allowed to even speak to my own sister. Its a joke really, everyone pretends he loves me and in reality he goes out of his way to make me feel so worthless that I have self harmed and tried to commit suicide. He hates me but no one cares.

When I was out about my gender identity he was cruel, heartless and transphobic. I believe I have mentioned before how he'd purposely misgender me and tell me I was "born female" even though I wasn't. I was born pangender but defined female at birth because of my vagina. He's a heartless man and I hate him.

I know this may seem harsh but I hate her too. I hate her for knowing everything he has ever done to me, even agreeing that it was wrong and still remarrying him forcing me to live with him. Once I have the means to move out I don't see myself visiting. Even though I still love my mother I never want to be near him. As far as I'm concerned he's an emotional abuser and she doesn't care less.

I wonder why everyone hates me. I feel so trapped without a computer. I want to apply to diffferent housing associations and charities for housing, I want to find a job to support myself so I can move out and far away, I just want to be free. I want to run away where I can be myself and live according to my gender and maybe even do a somewhat type of transistion.

Sometimes it seems the only way I'll be free is in death.

Confessions Of Morgan.

I believe my last blog post was an upsetting one, one written in the mist of depression and a broken heart. I still sometimes wonder why I am so different? Is there something wrong with me? Maybe some children are just born evil and twisted and unlovable.

I am rarely on Twitter now but I am trying to change this. I have also made several drafts but due to still no computer access of my own I have not been able to publish. I can not remember if this was published or written in a draft somewhere but I did start a new job. My step-father hired me part-time for two days a week. I feel like such a fool when I look back at my drafts because I wrote how excited I was. I worked have worked so hard; I had always taken such pride in my work even at a previous job where I was meet with sexism and even a sexual harassment comment. But I was fired after two weeks. I should have known based on past experiences that he would be a jerk about it. He's too unprofessional and has too much resentment towards me. I wasn't fired for anything I did on the top, I was fired outside work for not allowing to throw his seventeen year old daughter's clothes down the stairs. I'll be honest, I was heartbroken. Even though I should be used to this by now, the very reason I took out my phone contracts was because he would take the phone away from whenever he paid for them. He hates me. He hates me and no one cares.

It's like the same day he fired me he came into my room that night. He called me an ungrateful dyke and told me how he was giving all his "grateful" children money. No one listens though, no they listen they just don't care. My mother has turned into a joke; she keeps yelling at me and claiming he planned on giving me money too, that its all in my head and that I turned him down. He never offered me money. I honestly can't even picture him doing a nice thing for me. She tells me stories sometimes of how he'd do nice things for me when I was little....funny how that was before he had any children of his own. I suppose I could crush her fantasties by showing her the texts I sent my friend just moments after he had. We spent ten minutes laughing at how immature and pathetic he was.

I know none of them could love me. I tried coming out to them as pangender and look how that turned out. If they can not expect my gender identity, if they can not care about my dysphoria, if they can not even be willing to use my correct pronouns then how can they even claim to love me? What they love is the idea of what they have pictured in their heads. They love the closeted illusion I protray but they don't love the real me. The one deep down inside.

I wish I had happier things to write about but I don't. When you are a non-binary person who can not even bind or take hornmones then life just isn't happy. I think my dysphoria may have caused some depression too. I know I do have depression but I am starting to believe that some of my depression may be dysphoria based.

I wish I had someone to turn too, someone I could take to about these things, someone who would listen and not judge. No one really understands what it is like for me. And how could anyone? I hurts that no one even tries though.

I feel so alone and lost and I'm always hurting. I spent Samhain alone this year; I am not expecting a conversion but just some understanding would be nice. I know I'll spend Yule alone yet be expected to join in the Christmas celebration. What is the point in Christmas anyway? Jesus, if he was even real, was born in the spring.

Does Nobody Love Me?

You know that feeling that you're unwanted? That you shouldn't be around and that everyone would be better off without you? Well to me that's not a feeling. To me its an everyday reality.

I never understand why people actually think being queer is a choice because being queer can be one of the worst things to happen to a person. Why would anyone choose to be so hated by everyone that self-harm has just become a norm? Why would anyone choose to be so lonely and ignored that crying is an everyday occurance. I wonder how many people know that I cry myself to sleep everynight. Its so hard; I just want to be loved and I actually can't name a single person who does love me. I'm a loser, I'm a loser with no life and a family that would be better off without me.

I have actually known for a while that I wasn't really apart of the family, that I just sort of existed. I tried so hard to make things better, I spent all my money of gifts, I retreated back into the closet and I tried spending more time with the family. I guess I thought that if I was this perfect child of their dreams maybe just maybe I'll be wanted and loved and everything would be okay. But you can't make people love you, you can't change their minds, you can't do anything.

Yesterday I kicked my sister in the face. She threw a bottle at me for simply mentioning my Auntie. She's always lashing out, whenever I swear, whenever I comtempete drinking with friends, whenecer I say something she decides she doesn't like. I live in fear of her, she's violent and aggressive. She hits my Mam too if my Mam feels self conscious about her weight. I know it seems harsh but I don't love my sister. I really really don't. We used to be close but how can you possibly love someone who hurts you all the time? So I guess this time something snapped inside me and I hit her back twice as hard. Well....I kicked her. I know violence is wrong and that yes I can have seriously hurt her but....that realisation that her life is valued more then mine hurt.

I'm not saying I was in any danger from the bottle but while living in our precious house my sister tried to push me down the stairs. I would have fallen had I not managed to grab onto the banister. My glasses had fallen off and I pulled a muscle and bruised my arm where I saved myself.

During that time my sister got none of the treatment I am getting. None of the threats of having a job removed, none of the threats of being made homeless, not being told that they will never feel the same about me again; in fact what's worse was they were more angry that I had told her she was dead to me after she tried to push me down the stairs then that she had tried to push me down the stairs.

I guess that is what is upsetting about this whole thing; I am being ignored and felt to cry while dealing with the realisation that my life is valued less then my sister's no matter what I try.

They say they I should apologise but I don't think I will. In fact I know I won't. I've never had one sorry of her so why should I bother? I don't care about being the bigger person, I don't even care about life anymore.

Earlier I filled a glass with blench. I was fully intent of drinking the whole thing but I didn't. My mother is having her birthday dinner tomorrow, no matter how much she hates me I can not bring myself to hate her or ruin her celebrations so I tipped the glass out.

I don't want to be here. What is the point if no one loves you? I guess I must be a hard child to love. I am a bastard, a child born out of wedlock to an overly religious Christian woman....I suppose I am a reminder of sin and mistakes. There's also the queer thing too....its no secret to those who read this blog that I experience a lot of discrimination in my own home. Maybe its a combinated thing, maybe its just one of them, maybe its because I am a twice college drop out who caught fired from my first job. There are so many reasons I suppose someone could hate me. It could even be that I threw away Christianity and converted to Wicca.

Its a shame because I was once offered to move in with my Auntie but I turned her down. I turned her down because I loved my mother and I hoped I was wrong and that she loved me too. I guess I was wrong....I was right when I knew she didn't love me. I would give anything to move out now. I hate it here. I really really hate it.

I won't talk for much longer; my laptop is too expensive to fix and I am using Blogger's phone app. I don't like using the app, I am paranoid about spelling mistakes and grammar mistakes and that I am writing an ramblimg mess that no one can understand but I just needed to open up. My blog is the only one I can turn too.

I hate myself. I really do. What is so wrong with me that everyone hates me? This is why I laugh when people say being queer is a choice. No one chooses this. No one.

Wicca On Non-Binary Genders And Intersex

I am not sure if I have mentioned it before but I am Wiccan. More specifically I consider myself an Eclectic Solitary Wiccan. In all religions it does fall on the question are queer people accepted in the religion? 

Wicca is not an organised religion by a sense. Wicca is a branch of paganism but many different Wiccans follow different paths and worship different deities and have different beliefs. Even if the same coven it is rare that two different Wiccans will hold the very same beliefs but many will be similar.

When it comes to non-binary genders I am referring to those who are made up by transphobic teenagers who have special snowflake syndrome, I am referring to the very real non-binary people who desire both genitals, or none or even moving fluidly between genders. Transgenderism is not a choice as many want it to be because they wish to deny that they hold any privilege, transgenderism is caused when a person's mind holds a mismatch to their genitals they have. For example I was born with a vagina and breasts and uterus but I have dysphoria that means sometimes I want no breasts and no genitalia, sometimes I want no breasts and a penis, sometimes I want breasts and a vagina, sometimes I want breasts and a vagina and penis, and sometimes I want no breasts and a vagina and a penis. That is what is it. Now I am not in a coven, but I would like to be, so I might not be the best person to talk about this as I do not have much experience facing discrimination within Wiccan or Pagan groups. 

However it is a general rule that within Paganism and Wicca itself that being transgender or non-binary people are accepted into individual study groups, covens, communities and circles. In fact this inclusion where sexual orientation and gender identity are not meant with hostility that draws many queer people towards Wicca, myself included. It is a heartwarming experience to fully embrace a religion that does not view you as a sin or immoral or an abomination. For those who haven't read the 'Energetic Boundaries' study guide by Karla McLaren it states that transgender people are magickal people. I believe this also implies to non-binary people as some people do not separate non-binary and transgender-which is in their rights to class themselves as transgender or not. 

That being said there are some individual paths within Wicca which are not so accepting to due an large emphasis of a union between man and women. Not only does this exclude transgender people but non-binary people who do not identify as male or female as well as queer people who are attracted to the same-sex.  Dianic Wicca is one of those which are notorious for being transphobic due to their belief that people have certain spiritual qualities deprived from biological sex. However I do believe that such groups are a minority while the majority are accepting.

As for acceptance of intersex individuals I am not intersex myself so my assessment is not based on personal experience but based on extensive research into Wicca and all its various paths as well as speaking in various forums. There is a lot of God and Goddess imagery but there is not open bigotry as far as I can see. People can not help how they are born after all and regardless of genitals many do respect that we are all human beings. Some do want to press "gender corrective" surgery but most are very accepting and open minded. Intersex people as well as those who are non-binary can chose whichever role they most identify with, feminine or masculine.  

In whole I do not find much issue being queer with Paganism or Wicca itself. While as in all groups there is some bigotry there is far more acceptance. In the Wiccan Rede it states 'as ye harms none, do as ye will' and a lot of Wiccans takes to mean open acceptance and tolerance towards all. I as an pansexual pangender Wicca have never been meet with open hatred or ignorance when around other Wiccans in real life or via the internet. I have always been meet with openness and understanding. Sometimes I have to explain what pangendered is but everyone is very welcome to learning and understanding. I am personally not against educating people. 

I know this is another short post and for that I apologise deeply but I don't believe I have anything left to say about being non-binary and intersex within Wicca. I don't want to repeat myself so I shall leave it as this. I hope I have helped people understand what it means to be non-binary within Wicca. I like to think that this blog isn't just helpful to me but helpful to everyone else too. 

Hidden In Plain Sight

I know it has been so long but I needed to take time away. Everything is so hard lately. I just don't know how to put everything in to words but I am hoping it will be therapeutic for me. I have always found opening up to be therapeutic and helpful to me. 

Most of you have been here before. Many of you know that my name is Morgan Taylor Kaged and that I am pangender. That I do not feel like I am a "women" but rather that I was born with the wrong genitals. Many of you also know that since I have came out that family life has not been easy for me. That I faced with daily bigotry and ignorance and erasure. That I have contemplated and hoped to move out. Recently in the time we have been parted I have done something that be made out of internalised hatred or maybe just desperation to be accepted. I have gone back into the closet about my gender as it were. I have hidden myself from people who are supposed to love and accept me no matter what. I pretend to be cisgender in the home where I live in secrets. Everyday I hear the words "daughter" and "she" and "sister" and I can not speak up, I can not defend myself. 

I have started roleplaying again; this gives me peace. It is fun and friendly and I don't have to worry about a thing. I have a Scott McCall role playing account on Tumblr at littleredtruealpha but have unfortunately had to go on a hiatus. My laptop is currently broke; it has been on its last legs for some time now. What happened was when my little brother pushed my laptop off my lap the pin on the hard drive broke. Its been sent off but I have to wait a week or two before the hard drive can be replaced. My computer skills are limited and I unfortunately do not know enough to replace an whole hard drive but I am learning to advance my skills. I enjoy computers a lot so learning more would be great. 

I am also starting a new job in October. My step-father gave me a part time job in his office for two days. Its eight hours and its a quiet office. I can manage that. When it comes to the "adult world" sometimes I find that my Autism prevents me from fully experiencing the world. That it makes everyday tasks harder and sometimes I can not cope. I am happy for this opportunity to work and earn some money for myself even though it means I must face hearing "miss" instead of "mx" which is my legal title. I am too nervous to correct this though as well I would have no way to not come out of the closet at home. I will have to suffer in silence. 

It hurts that after months and months of being free that I must trap myself once more but it was so hard. I couldn't take the consent bigotry, I was not strong enough. Yes I am a coward but I will willingly admit to being one. I know I am harming the non-binary community by my actions but I can not help it. I am also a coward as I am a avid activist. I stand for rights for non-binary genders and sexes but I do not have the courage to be open in my own home. I still openly out on Facebook and with my friends though. I find that I have been blessed to have wonderful and acceptable friends. I just wish the same could be said of my family. 

In the meantime I will focus more on my writing again. I will admit in my time away I was not focusing as much but now I am ready. If I can not be open then I shall do my best to normalise non-binary genders and intersex individuals as well as homosexual, bisexual, asexual and pansexual individuals. Maybe if I normalise them then I can make the world a better place, one where I can more easily come out and be myself.

I am also considering deleting my Tumblr and starting a new one free from fandom wank. I do love to engage in social justice within fandom areas but I joined Tumblr to escape the real world not deal with issues. However misogyny and femmephobia are rampant within fandoms as well as racism so I am not sure I can simply ignore it. In my own fandoms I have seen ableism grow everyday....it is something I am considering but it is not finale yet. I have until my computer is fixed to decide I suppose. 

I believe this to be short post, especially from someone who has been away for so long. However I have nothing more to say and at this point I would be endlessly repeating myself. I will try to communicate more often as I feel this blog is not only helpful to me but helpful to everyone else who reads as well. It is nice for everyone to know that they are not alone. 

Hello Again

It has been over a month since I last blogged. I have made several posts in the time I have been away but they all ended up unfinished and in drafts. I am still active on Tumblr, I am not going anywhere. I do still hope to educate people and offer insight to what it means to be pangender. This is still an active blog and I hope to be able to update more regularly again. Just so much emotional stuff has happened and its put a damper on my writing and prevented me from finishing blog posts. 

I am now open as pangender in my family home. It didn't make anything easier but harder. No one seems to use the right pronouns and I am repeatedly introduced as "daughter" and "sister". I have expressed my discomfort with this many times but I am always meet with that everything about my gender is just too confusing to them. This is so hard and it hurts and sometimes does lead to self harming. I am not suicidal but I do have depression and find sometimes causing myself physical pain helps cope with the emotional pain however unhealthy that may be. It has been my coping device since I was very young and have seen a psychologist about it. Misgendering seems to be around me in my everyday life and this causing me a lot of issues. I thought being pangender would open up a kinder home to me but that is not the case at all. My step-father for the second time seems hell bent on reminding me that "breasts" and "vagina" must mean I am a "girl" no matter how many times I try to be seen as a pangender enby. My family life is no more open to my gender identity then they are about my sexual orientation. I want to move out more then ever but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen soon. The council hasn't gotten back to me about council housing yet and I have no money of myself. I have applied a few times to Job Seekers but so far nothing has been done. 

My mother is remarried and I did end up going to the wedding. Not because I wanted too but because of some horrible deal. I am in debt with the bank and do owe them £98.70 pound and am no closer to get a job or any source of income and its actually really frightening. I made an agreement to go to their wedding if they made my debt which so far they have yet to do. The wedding in general was just awful. I looked disgusting. Maybe that is lack of confidence. I am unhappy with my hair and I was dressed in a shirt that belonged to my mother and old work trousers. Everything was too tight and I was having a really dysphoric day and resented my "female" body. I didn't like my curves and my breasts seemed thousands times bigger to me then they actually were and being surrounded by so many eyes made me self concious. I have made a few comments about wanting a binder for days where I just can't stand my "female" body however I just know I won't get one unless I can magically find the money myself. The whole time I was at the wedding I left more and more out of place and that I didn't belong in the family. I don't feel like I'm a real part of the family, I am just an outsider who lives in the house who they don't even respect enough to properly gender. I was never part of a close happy family but I always thought I had something....after the wedding I realised how wrong I was. I was just a space. Just there without any real meaning. 

The whole family, minus myself, is now in Italy on holiday. Them being away has had some benefits for me. I have not hurt myself once and I don't have to deal with people misgendering me. I feel I have been happier since they have left and more myself. I don't have to deal with the hard stuff and I am considering cutting off my hair and trying to reach a style that suits me more and makes me more comfortable. Recently I am loving the more shorter styles lately and luckily I do have a friend who took a hairdressing course in college and if I need a free haircut I can ask her and pay her back with a delicious meal. I can make some great vegan pasta with sauce and vegan fish-styled stakes with she might enjoy. I have actually got the house to myself for the whole two weeks, everyone has already been gone for almost a whole week. I have plenty of food and am able to do with the cleaning. If anything this will be a positive experience for me for when I do live on my owe. I have proven that I do indeed know how to take care of myself. I can manage fine on my own.....I just need a job so I can provide for myself. Or at the very least benefits until I can get a job. I do know that now emotionally and mentally I can cope fine on my own and that it would even be better for my mental health. Money is still an issue and I do need to find a place on my own if the council don't respond. I don't know how long I will be on the waiting list for but for now I am on one. 

I think that's all the news I have to share. Everything has happened for a while and I am glad that I can respond now and message back everything. I also want to make more fashions for non-binary and genderqueer people. For me personally sometimes its hard because everything is so focused on the gender binary. What would be amazing would be shops specially for non-binary people. I also want to start writing more of my own works as well as fan fictions. My favourite fan fictions are the ones that focus on non-binary genderbends on the characters or even trans genderbends. Sadly there seems to be little of this but very cisgender based fan fiction. I would love to focus on that. Especially pangender characters. In my head I might start reading all my favourite characters as pangender. I just want to see more pangender representation as well as more trans and non-binary representation. 

That's what is so important when I write. Making sure people can find characters that they can relate too on a gender identity and sexual orientation level which is important. I want cisgender and heterosexual to stop being the norm, the default. Until stated I don't want people to assume characters are cisgender or heterosexual. Representation is important because I don't want people to assume or even demand that I must be a woman because I have a vagina and a uterus. I want people to see no matter how I dress or how I chose to present myself that I am pangender. I am a pangender enby and I am happy with myself. I want people to see me for who I am. Not the gender they try to force on me. The binarist world we live in where it is "pink for girls, blue for boys" and often tries to ignore my gender. Erasure and discrimination are part of my daily life, I guess that's why I love the internet so much. I'm safe online for the most part and often find more people who will respect me.

There is enough non-binary erasure in the English language and many other languages. I have looked into inventing my own words and using them in everyday life. If I study linguistics and add my new words to online dictionaries and use them in my books then hopefully they will catch on and everyone can use words that they like. I'm not sure how translation would work but I assume this would encourage people of other languages to create more words to "fit" non-binary people too. If words can become a part of the English language and well used then non-binary people won't be discriminated against as much. Erasure is a large part of discrimination that non-binary people face.

I wanted to say a lot more on my return but I don't know what else I can put into words. Everything is complicated. Given Tumblr's fake social justice obsession to police pangender people and make unfair accusations against us I am determined to set up a secondary Tumblr to educate more people and offer a safe space for pangender people facing prejudice. This is still a works in process but something I do want to do and probably well. Pangender should not be shut out of our own community but welcomed liked everyone else. We are not criminals and this bullying only exists on Tumblr. Tumblr is suppose to be a safe space but there is not safe space for people who are pangender.

But now I leave and continue to blog tomorrow. 

Western Saviourism

I think the term "white saviour" has long been used to apply to white protagonists who have made it their life's mission to save poorer non-white people from slavery, poverty, sex work-no matter how consensual-and then glorifying their "work" so it becomes more about what a great person they are, this white person helping all these non-white people more then the people in this predicaments in the first place. However in recent more Tumblr days I am starting to believe in "western saviourism", which all western people of all races can do.

"Western saviourism" is like "white saviourism" as in western people make it their life's mission to protect the poorer non-western people from cultural appropriation by glorifying their "work" and cultural segregation and ignorance on the topic. Some people now refuse to eat Chinese food from restaurants because they claim its appropriating Chinese culture; neglecting the fact that majority if not all Chinese restaurants are run by Chinese families who would have no income other then their earnings from their Chinese restaurant. If an immigrate family can not earn money, unless they are asylum seekers, they will be deported back. Its also worth noting that eating Chinese food from Chinese restaurants run by Chinese families is not cultural appropriation but cultural exchange and to deny cultural exchange is cultural segregation. Cultural segregation just enforces western supremacy and is ignorant. If someone refused to eat Arabic food on the grounds that it was not part of their culture, as someone of Yemeni heritage, I would not see this as a sign of respect for my culture but would be offended that they did not want to partake in my cultural foods.

A good example of western saviourism is Avril Lavigne's 'Hello Kitty' music video. Many Japanese-Americans or British Japanese people said how offensive and racist the video was and said that native Japanese people living in Japan did not understand racism or oppression. Western Japanese "protected" Japanese people living in Japan by telling them they should find this video racist and offensive.

As a pangender person I find myself faced with western saviourism and having to defend my gender all the time, even in the pangender tag which is suppose to be a safe space for pangender individuals to go. I should not have to explain or fight for my gender, people should be allowed to identify as any gender they want.

The claim that pangender is cultural appropriation of gender is not only hurtful and false, but wrong. I have spoken about this issue before on this blog here and I have made posts on Tumblr about the very same issues here, here, here, here, and here. I am always always having to defend myself and other pangenders who are attacked because people do not understand how pangender works.

Pangender is not cultural appropriation; the idea behind pangender being cultural appropriation actually lies within western supremacy and racism in itself. When discussing gender is important to understand that no one can help their gender; gender is a psychological thing. How to be a girl? Feel like a girl. How to be a boy? Feel like a boy. How to be an enby? Feel like an enby. How to be a neut? Feel like a neut. How to be genderless? Feel like genderless. Another important thing to remember is that gender is a social construct, but so is race. Does that make race any less real? No of course not. Cisgender, transgender, bigender, pangender etc are all just labels we have created to help define how we feel about our gender identity. No one person feels the same about their gender as someone else who is the same gender, therefore it is impossible to some up all pangender people as racists.

Until the 1950s in western culture gender and sex were treated as the same. Gender was not a concept we were familiar with just sex. Vagina = girl and penis = boy. Transgender boys and girls were not considered not to be the wrong gender but to be in the wrong bodily autonomy which is where the term transexual came to be. Many other cultures around the world have viewed gender and genitals different and had different gender identities; each culture often as its own way of determining and defining what gender is each with its own term. Its all very complex and I am not the best teacher as I did not take gender studies in college, but have done some research over the internet and in a couple of books. I understand the fundamentals and basics but not enough for a full lesson on cultural genders. However to simply state that pangender includes genders outside the western binary system implies that all cultures see gender and sex the same as we do. This not only enforces western supremacy but is racist. The world does not conform to western standards and ideals and nor should it.

Pangender really means all genders within western culture. Pan does not always mean everything. Such as pantheism is not the belief in all religions and Gods, but the belief that the universe is whole is a God. Yes that definition is way over simplified, especially for someone who did take religious studies as a GCSE but the principle still applies.

When you say pangender is cultural appropriation you are hurting people like me. People who have done nothing wrong to anyone. My mother is biracial, a lot of my family is brown or black, including three of my siblings who are also biracial, I am part of a duo-culture. The last thing I would ever do is appropriate someone else' culture when it deeply hurts and effects me when someone appropriates my Arab or Welsh culture. When you attack someone because of their gender identity you are stripping them of their humanity and invalidating them. You are policing identity and resemble transmedicalists who enforce the binary system and don't believe non-binary people experience gender dysphoria. (While not only are many non-binary do actually experience gender dysporia, they also experience social dysphoria.) I have experienced a lot of dysphoria over the nears which has resulted in eating disorders, suicide attempts and self harming. I still do experience dysphoria but now I can often handle it better where I am not putting myself at risk.

I think many people forget that when they rob pangender enbys of their gender identity they can trigger dysphoria and cause a great deal of anxiety, stress, upset, and dysthymia (chronic depression). Denying someone their gender is a violation of human rights in my eyes, also using cultural appropriation as a reason to bully and attack pangenders desensitizes and trivializes the seriousness issues associated with cultural appropriation.

Just let me be me. I am pangender. I am not hurting anyone but you are hurting me.

The Raising Of The UKIP

I live Wales, which is the smallest region within the United Kingdom Of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. I have often spoken freely about politics but never on this blog. I am proudly an avid supporter of the Green Party Of England And Wales and am very active within that party. That is the type of political party I want to run my country, because I know that they care about small communities, the environment, animals and queer rights. Yes they are not perfect, no political party will ever be perfect but I do honestly believe that they are the best we have in the UK. 

However, like many other parts of Europe, the party that is growing the most happens to be one of the more racist and queerphobic political parties we have to offer. UKIP has grained a vast amount of seats and this is alarming and warning to say the least. I remember an occasion in an college history class where some friends of mine were suggesting voting the UKIP as a joke because its not like they would ever get in. I didn't know to explain back then that to people like me it wasn't a joke. Now I seem to be facing that reality as the UKIP get more seats and elections come closer and closer. 

The UKIP are queerphobic, among other things, and I don't care if you say you're not queerphobic because by supporting a queerphobic party you are directly supporting queerphobia and the discrimination of queer individuals who live in the UK. In my eyes that automatically makes you just as bad as the people you are supporting. I can not speak for everyone as some people may view you not as bad but I do view you just as bad, supporting queerphobia makes you an indirect queerphobic because of the choices you are making on who to give your support too. 

But why are the UKIP so bad you may ask? Because the party repeatedly does queerphobic and problematic things which are dangerously harmful towards queer individuals. The campaigners and supports of UKIP have shown time and time again that they are a circle of bigots and full of ignorance, with zero apology ever given when they are called out.

• John Lyndon Sullivan, an candidate for the UKIP, wrote on his public Facebook page "I rather often wonder if we shot one "poofter" (GLBT whatevers), whether the next 99 would decide on balance, that they weren't after all? We might conclude that it's not a matter of genetics, but rather more of education :)". John Lyndon Sullivan used an slur causally like it was no problem, and then decided people could be turned straight if we shot one queer people then everyone who suddenly become straight and if not, just keep shooting them until the "education" sinks in. John Lyndom Sullivan is the very small person who said "homosexuality" could be prevented with physical education, despite many athletes are queer themselves so clearly took part in a lot of physical education and sports clubs when they were younger. This was accepted by the UKIP and nothing was done about it, the UKIP leader Nigel Farage ignored all media coverage and claimed unawareness, but then even after all this he still did nothing to apprehend John Lyndon Sullivan for his queerphobic Facebook status. Both times were left to go unpunished therefore accepted by the UKIP party.
• John Kearney, another candidate for the UKIP, made a statement saying he believes queer people are "promiscuous" and that we resemble "prisoners who need freedom". As virgin I would like to know how I need freedom from being myself Mr. John Kearney. John Kearney then went out to say "The Church Of England will fall very soon and be conducting gay weddings and we will have the neo-Catholics in our church 'giving us their compassionate views', but the Church will stay stonge despite their onslaught. We must pray for the gay community that we see that they are indeed prisoners who need freedom." This was again ignored and accepted by the UKIP party. To UKIP seem to have this notion to be "saved" we must be closeted about our true identity and pretend to be heterosexual cisgender. 
• UKIP doner Demetri Marchessin, the very same man who believes women should be banned from trousers, erases non-binary genders, and has the most wrapped and twisted views of rape has said he believes queer people do not fall in love, so therefore we can not cheat because it's just all about the sex. His exact words were "There is no such thing as fidelity in homosexual relationships. They just all go out looking for action. That's the way it is." Ignoring that many homosexual or other forms of queer relationships do involve deep commitment, love and devotion and that yes cheating does exist to queer people and yes it does hurt no matter what sexual orientation you are. Demetri Marcessin has not once been called by the UKIP for his problematic statements nor does anyone from that party step forward and say they disagree or apologize for him, another sign of the acceptance.
• UKIP Parish Councillor Ian McLaughlan posted on his Facebook page how it was a "tragedy" that Section 28, put in place by former Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher to keep homosexuality from being spoken in schools, was repealed. Ian McLaughlan went on to say how children should be protected against the promotion of queerness, even though I was around heterosexual people all the time growing up I never "turned" straight. His Facebook status read "Children need to be protected from the promotion of homosexuality, Margaret Thatcher was right to enact Section 28 in 1988. And it was a tragedy that it was repealed." Ian McLaughlan has also spoken on Facebook about his support for Russian leader Vladimir Putin banning overseas same-sex couples from adopting children. The UKIP party did not apprehend him on either comments nor has anyone stepped forward to apologize on his behalf. His actions via Facebook were allowed.
• UKIP leader Nigel Farage made remarks on his Newsnight interview with Jermery Paxman that people should be allowed to openly hate on queer people, without any judgement. He then compared to being queerphobic as the same thing as not liking a brand of tea! Expect tea has no feelings or emotions or isn't even alive where the actual very real queer people being hated as they walk down the street certainly do have both feelings and emotions. No one spoke out against their party leader's queerphobic comment and if the person in charge, a potential Prime Minister, is making comments like that then what hope is there that any queerphobia will be called out and stopped? What hope is there that queer individuals will be treated with respect?
• Former UKIP candidate Dr. Julia Gasper has made several disgusting comments. Dr. Gasper wrote that queer people should stop being upset about discrimination and show more gratitude towards straight people for giving birth to us, erasing bisexuality, pansexuality, lithsexuality, anthrosexuality, demisexuality and omnisexuality in the process. Dr. Gasper then moved on to referring to anyone who reads PinkNews as someone who should be sectioned under the Mental Health Act, which is not only queerphobic but ableist as well. Dr. Gasper also used an UKIP forum to brand the queer rights movement a "lunatic charter"-again more ableism going side by side with her bigotry and queerphobia. Dr. Gasper then went on to trying to get phone app Grindr banned and claimed that Daniel Radcliffe and "queer mafia" were responsible for former Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich into stepping down. In more recent news Dr. Gasper has stated that World Aids Day "celebrates" those who "spread" HIV, implying homosexuality despite that heterosexuals can get HIV if they have unprotected sex. The UKIP did not step forward and say that they do not share their views with Dr. Gasper, silently confirming that they do indeed agree with what was said on multiple occasions.
• UKIP Councillor David Silvester blamed queers for the UK floodings we faced and stated that he warned David Cameron that be legalizing equal marriage rights that we'd face serious consequences. Now while we did not get it as bad as some countries do earlier this year the UK did face bad flooding, however it was hardly the work on queer people or the fact that people could now marry anyone their chose. David Silvester was another person the UKIP did not feel the need to correct on his queerphobia and allowed it to go unpunished.
• UKIP Councillor Sam Fletcher said he was "baffled" by Britain's acceptance of queer individuals, especially "female homosexuality" so in other words lesbians. After being called out on this comments, but not by an UKIP member, he claimed he was not queerphobic while dubbing being queer as a "lifestyle choice" which is very queerphobic in itself. That being said I have a hard time taking anyone who can not even use the right size condom seriously. Of course the UKIP did nothing about Sam Fletcher and him finding queer support "strange."

This is the UKIP, they are also highly sexist and racist but I won't go into that right now. This is why I ask all cisgender and heterosexuals to stand up and not support the UKIP. Many queer people face daily is the fear that a political party which hates them will end up with the power to harm them. That is the difference between mean comments towards people who are cisgender or heterosexual or both (not that I condone or encourage mean comments about anyone based on their gender or sexual orientation in the slightest) because those comments will just hurt feelings. Which yes that is bad but not as bad as having the power to do more then just hurt feelings. Queerphobia is still a big issue and I am asking anyone who is not queer to please care more about then just marriage equality but to care for all queer rights. To care that by the time the next UK elections come up in 2015 that the UKIP will have gained more supporters and could gain the majority vote needed to become Prime Minister. Even if we do not support the same party I urge everyone of voting age to vote for any other party then the UKIP in 2015. 

Where Oh Where Do I Go From Here

I am on the housing list and have spoken with the Albert Kennedy Trust, so hopefully I will have a place to live soon. As for my house life....things are complicated and confusing. I want to be so open and honest and live in a space place where the outside world's queerphobia and prejudice and discrimination and nonacceptance and intolerance can't touch me. Where I am free to be whoever I want and express myself so freely. With a political party in my own country (UKIP) openly saying how being queer is not worthy enough to be equal of respect-actual quote from UKIP's Roger Helmer-then surely behind the closed door and safe four walls I can be the panenby I was born to be.

My mother has since apologized, after three days of me crying my eyes out and wondering what was wrong with me that I was born the way I was. She also tried to apply straight tears and talk about how it effected her, because of course she was deeply effected by telling someone who isn't cisgender heterosexual that she doesn't want them to around her son to protect him, mean while he's playing that horrid video game 'Naughty Bear' which is far more horrific and violent then its name suggests for anyone who has not come across it. None the less she has apologized and is trying to be supportive, so I have accepted her apology. I am firm on my decision to move out though. Acceptance should not have no exceptions, no ifs, not buts, it should just be acceptance. Queer individuals should not be treated as if they are more harmful to a child's innocence then the violence in our video games and films and the sex culture that can be found everywhere, including newspapers. Queer individuals are not harmful and are no different to cisgender heterosexuals other then that we are oppressed daily in our lives as the world caters to cisgender and heterosexual individuals, even better if you are both. Some queer people may experience the cisgender bias while some may experience the heterosexual bias but we are still oppressed if we do not have both.

My sort-of-step father (my mother divorced him but she's engaged to him again) has still not apologized nor has he acknowledged that what he said was problematic and queerphobic. He refuses to admit that he made bigoted remarks and spoke with nothing but ignorance. I was erased from existence and yet he can not step out of his cisgender heterosexual bubble to care about other gender identities and sexual orientations that he is erasing for a second. He refuses to recognized that world is automatically catered towards his based on his gender identity and sexual orientation. For now I am refusing to speak to him, I have been silent and ignored his every attempt to communicate. I am also refusing to go to the wedding. Some may call me childish and petty and immature but I don't want to support a union that does not want to support me. If I am not seen as an equal, as someone who should be allowed to be visible then I don't want anything to do with him. I don't see myself as being unreasonable, I see myself taking back my agency. I am not his equal in his eyes as he chooses to try and erase my identity therefore until I am seen as an equal I will not support anything that has to do with him. Hopefully I will have moved out and far away before this wedding takes place.

I'm just an enby living in a country which hates hir whole point of being. Being at home is no longer comfortable, I have a longing desire to buy a binder but now I am too scared of what I will face at home if I do. I want to "pass", there are some days where I want to be seen as a boy, where I wouldn't mind male pronouns and just want to be referred to as a boy. However I was defined female at birth and I do have breasts, breasts which make it impossible to pass as anything but a girl. And most days I don't want to pass as a girl. I do have a preference to the "male" autonomy, I think it looks better but I do enjoy my vagina and breasts. It's shame that I can not have multiple body choices as a pangender, but to do so I would have to undergo shape shifting. I often wish I could just shape shift into my preferred gender, that would make this so much easier. Sadly that only exists in the comics. Where Loki and Mystique are lucky because they be whatever gender they want to be as easily as simply thinking it. I do not have this luxury nor do any non-binary people.

I know this is far far shorter then my previous blog posts, however it has been such a while since I posted I wanted to make sure one was posted today. I had great fun with Malia Week and plan to continue writing fan fiction as well as my own original works plus I do maintain a fashion account specializing in non-binary and genderqueer fashion sets. I am busier now then why I started this blog so I may not be posting as often but I do intent to continue to be an active blog that posts frequently. This isn't much shorter but I am sad to end it here after such a long pause between posts. 

I'm Not Homophobic I Just Don't Want My Son To Know

I actually can't stop crying....I'm heartbroken and crushed and devastated and hurting all over. Everything hurts so much. I don't understand why there is so much hate. I don't understand why people have to hate me, why they can't accept me and why they have to try and force me to lock myself away.

Queer individuals face so much discrimination but I guess I never thought I would face discrimination in my very own home by people suppose to love you forever. I guess it was foolish, naive and ridiculous on my part to actual believe that I lived in a safe bubble. That I could be accepted and loved; which is why I even started this. Because I will go places and feel like I don't belong and shouldn't exist so why should my own home be any different? Why should I have felt like there was a place where I could be safe and belonged and totally accepted by those around me? I guess I was an naive child at nineteen. 

I remember the day I "came out" as pansexual. It was an uplifting experience for me and for the first time ever I felt so free. I still haven't openly admitted to be pangender, other then my sister, and now I'm not sure I want too. I just want to run away and never feel like this again. I am not free, I am faced with oppression in my very own home. I don't understand why there must be intolerance. I still bleed the same, I still cry the same, I still obsess over the same shows, I still eat the same foods, I'm still Morgan Kaged. I'm still the same person I just want people to know I'm queer. I don't fit your heteronormativity or binary but that's your fault for pointing me in a box rather then letting me be who I was born to be. Its silly really, children are just "confused" if their anything but a cisgender heterosexual or that its so harmful for them to know that some people aren't a cisgender heterosexual. Yet they could be watching violence and mild sexual contact on the TV because that's not harmful at all. If we want to protect children maybe we should stop forcing people into a closet and instead focus on 'The Sun's' page three....I always thought pornography was more harmful then just someone like me. 

I don't even know what I did wrong other then being born. I feel like my throat is closing up and my chest keeps getting tight and there is so many tears my vision is blurry. I thought "Malia Week" was going to be so fun for me but....I don't even belong in my own home anymore. I just....I don't belong anyone because I'm different. I'm too queer, too filthy, too much of a freak. 

I cooked myself some pasta but threw the bowl away because I couldn't bring myself to eat. I just felt so isolated I lost my apatite. I just I feel....I don't think I've felt this bad about myself in a while. I just have such a resentment for everything that I am. I wouldn't have these problems if I was born straight or cisgender. I even contemplated gay change therapy but I know that its a waste of time and boardline torture. I am not confused or sick I'm just pansexual. This was never a choice this was just part of who I am. I discovered I liked girls before I discovered I liked boys, non-binary and that really didn't matter what their gender was. I was just a small kid but I knew. 

I was told today by my mother and sorta step-father that even though they still "love" me, they don't want my queerness around their other children. They don't think they'll understand-even though its never been a problem-and say the world is just too homophobic (ignoring how queerphobic is a better term which doesn't erase anyone) for people like me. They'd rather have me silent and shut off in my room then feel free. Feel like my own home is a judgement free zone. My little brother is six years old but plays violent video games, knows how sex works, has seen both my parents naked, still sleeps in their bed, watches violent films, engages in violent play, is contently aggressive, plus both parents have a history of child abuse reports and social workers but of course me not being straight is the problem. If I am so loved why I am being told that out of everything I am the issue? I'm not trying to shame their parenting but if they honestly think that the possibility of me falling in love with someone is more of an issue then some of the violence they allow him to be exposed to then they have a very ignorant and bigoted bias. 

I was accused of shoving it in their face when I have never once brought home an girlfriend or enbyfriend. I was made to feel unloved and unwanted and like a freak and I wish I could say this was a one off. But it's not. There have been countless times where they have made me feel like I'm not fully part of the family, that I shouldn't exist. Whenever I try to explain these actions hurt me I am made to feel like I am wrong from being up my feelings and that I need to respect their point of view. I'm not interest in how a heterosexual cisgender's  person tops mine on queer issues. 

I have put in applications for the council and for Albert Kennedy Trust. I want to be able to move out from all the intolerance. I just want to feel safe in my own home. Is that really too much to ask? I don't know how long it takes but I hope not too long. I don't want to stay somewhere where I am treated like I should be silent for not confirming. 

Queer Fetishizing

I know I have been absent, I have been distracted and today started "Malia Week" on Tumblr which is about appreciating Malia Tate from 'Teen Wolf' who gets far too much hate, all because she kissed a boy. The fandom turned on her, I watched it happen. Yes it meant my ships sunk but there's no reason to slut-shame and berate a teenage girl for kissing the first person who was ever nice to her. I have deicated my Tumblr to Malia for this week and have accepted quite a few prompts that I'm going to try my hardest to write within the week. I've been meaning to write fan fiction again for a while now and now I have an excuse. 

Speaking of which there is an issue that effects me every single day on Tumblr; and that is the fetishization of queer people. To make a queer person nothing but a sex object, to sexualize them, to completely ignore their humanity, to appropriate their rights; its fetishizism of queer people. Its important to realize that fetishizism is not a good thing and just another form of oppression. Tumblr is the beacon of all queer fetishization, especially in form of white cisgender heterosexual men. In the media today there is little to no queer representation and when it is it is generally also in the form of white cisgender men; just look at Klaine from 'Glee' and you will see. 'Shameless' also have a white cisgender pairing representing the whole queer community. There is nothing wrong with white cisgender people and yes those queers do deserve representation too however there is nothing any for non-white or trans, non-binary and genderqueer queers who also deserve representation too. That's another reason queer fetishization is so harmful, its so deeply rooted to white cisgender heterosexual men. Because of queer fetishization it means queer people are reduced to fodder for straight people to fawn over without actually caring about the discrimination, prejudice, hardship or rights of said queer people.

On Tumblr I spend a lot of the time disturbed and a little scared, I have seen countless people take secret photos of two girls or two boys, determine that they are in a relationship, theorize about their sex and love life, give them ship names, talk about how beautiful the children will be because just look at the parents, if they are boys they will go on about how they wish "MPreg" was real-never mind that not all boys have penises-all while claiming they are so open minded to homosexuality. I have seen posts where people go on about how they can't wait for their children to come out as gay, so they can ship them and their boyfriend, talk about boys, let them have sleepovers with boys, wanted to show them all their ships, and laughed about how scared and uncomfortable they'd make their kid.

What is queer fetishizism? Queer fetishizism is when queer individuals are objectified/sexualized usually in order to achieve sexual gratification. However sexual gratification is not always the case. Those who fetishize are always straight people, you can't fetishize your own sexuality. Its also mostly down by white people because many non-white people face racial fetishizing and therefore straight POC are more likely to stay away from it. These people will also always be the one who believe queerbaiting is the same as queer representation and that people like me should be thankful for it. As someone who is an active member of many fandoms I put up with a lot of fetishizing behaviour. When someone has 

• Heteronormative ships, such as someone is always the "girl" and "boy" even though the idea of a some-sex relationships is that there is no "girl and boy" just "girl and girl" or "boy and boy". If there is children they will try and slap on the mammy and daddy labels rather then just two daddies and two mammies. 
• Shipping exclusively white cisgender men or women. 
• Ignoring anyone who isn't white, see the above point about shipping exclusively. In the 'Teen Wolf' fandom this goes as far as to erasing the Latino lead, including cutting him out of gif sets, using his traits and passing them down to others, etc etc. I once saw a gif set about Derek Hale which had the quotation of a line that was said to Scott about Scott. 
• Writing out women/men, killing off women/men, bashing women/men for "getting in the way of", and all general dislike for someone of the opposite who did as much as hug the person you are fetishzing.
• Transphobia, this is strong in male/male pairings with MPreg which completely erases trans men and that some actual men do in fact get pregnant.
• Ignoring canonically queer characters for your canonically straight characters. Such as in 'Supernatural' Charlie, a canonical lesbian, is ignored or used as a prop for 'Supernatural's' queer fetishizing ship Destiel. 
• Shipping the real life actors of your said pairing to the point of disregarding the induvuals' sexual identities and accusing any significant others of being cover ups.
• Treating your shipping as activism also known as Fangirl Activism. Such as I saw a 'Sherlock' fangirl paste the symbol for equality marriage over a photo of Sherlock and John, even though this is a big deal for many actual queer people.
• Ignoring, belittling, harassing or verbally abusing real queer people who voice any discomfort with queer fetishizism. 

That being said someone who is straight can have queer pairings and not all straight people will use queer pairings for sexual gratification. You can ship them, just don't do it in a fetishistic manner. Straight people you are not empowering anyone with this behaviour you are just making fandom life insufferable. You are hurting real people and still contributing to the oppression that many queer people undergo in their everyday lives. Queer fetishism is not supporting queer people. 

But I Did Play With Barbie

I'm not sure if its part of the cisgender bias or the binary bias but its one of them; a lot of messages I see online involve someone complaining that many non-bianry people are lying or making them their gender identity because they don't fit the social norms of the gender they were born into. Gender has little to do with social norms at all! Gender is more to do with your mind, often how you view your body and genitals, not your basic social norms.

I am so tired of seeing pointless messages on the internet, looking at you Reddit, of claiming how even though I don't like pink or played with Barbie or wear pretty dresses I am a girl because I have a vagina, and the same with penis people. Messages claiming how even if your not touch or know a lot about cars or don't like mud you are still a boy because you have a penis. No that's not how gender works and this types of messages are nothing but harmful and discrimination. Binarism is where you have prejudice or discriminate someone who is not a binary gender. Binary gender is female or male, so this only applies to cisgengder and transgender binary people, it could also include demigirls and demiboys but I'm not too sure and seeing as I'm not one of them I don't feel comfortable deciding if they are binary or not. They do however benefit from a degree of binary bias but not as much.

Here's the thing to all the bigots out there, I did play with Barbie. My small childhood was filled with Barbie films and Barbie dolls; I even had the full Swan Lake collection when I was seven. I don't hold any dislike to Barbie and yet I still don't feel like a girl. I am not a girl because I conform with social forms; some I do but some I really don't. I am certainly not a girl because I have a vagina! Not starters not even all girls have vaginas so that is very cissexist to say at the very least. Not all girls have vaginas, not all people with vaginas are girls.

Most days I prefer to be flat chested and a penis, I prefer the male autonomy to the female one any day. This doesn't make me a boy though, I found I do favour girl clothing more so then boy clothing but also have a soft spot for boy t-shirts and hoodies. My clothing is a mix of the both, occasionally unisex because there isn't any shops for non-binary people. My autonomy does depend on my mood but I have a preference. Huh I want a penis more and I still played with Barbie; would any binarists like to comment as their whole ignorant ideology of genderqueer people falls about? I'm sorry that sentence was mean, but the point still stands. Gender norms have nothing to with gender itself! They are embedded into western culture because of the binary, cisgender and male bias to keep the status quo. My gender is for no one to decide but me.

How do I describe gender? Gender is a personal sexual identity that people have no matter the person's biological and outward sex. People define masculinity and femininity based on their background and culture. Different cultures have different behavioral, psychological and physical attributes that are associated with one binary gender or other. These are considered social norms. Gender is psychological not biological; it's the cissexist and binarist society that we live in which tells us otherwise. Gender can not be determined by the genitals. Gender can not be determined by the way a person acts. Gender can not be determined by the way we dress. Gender can not be determined by anything.

Enbies will face discrimination more because there are no social or gender norms based around our gender, there world is filtered to cater to "pink for girls blue for boys". Because we do not fit this world we are considered outsiders, we are shunned, mocked and told how we should be feeling about our gender. We are told everything we are thinking is wrong, that we just want attention and that we need the help. Binary is considered the only right gender and we are considered wrong. I hope to one day change that; I want the world to see non-binary people for what we are. People. I don't want to be questioned about gender and have it decided by a binary person who honestly feels that they know better. No one knows my gender better then me, and that goes to everyone out there.

Society tries to erase existence of those who do not fit the "pink for girls, blue for boys" world they have created. Society tries to "fix" us when there was nothing wrong with us in the first place. We have gender norms and stereotypes forced on us before we are even old enough to talk or walk. We are brainwashed and controlled and manipulated what to think about gender from the moment the doctor looks at our genitals to tell us the gender.

I played with Barbie when I was a child, I am not any less pangender. 

What Does Pangender Mean To Me?

So my article was declined, sadly. It does happen though, one can not be a good writer and get upset over negative work or declinements. You must pick yourself up and learn from your mistakes. No one really had a suitable section for my article-even though about a music video music should have been a suitable section-and my publisher didn't like the quality of my work. I am disappointed and I won't pretend that I am not, however I will learn from this. I will make sure my work is of better quality next time, although I don't know how zero spelling mistakes, perfect grammar, neat paragraphs and clear subheadings could be of better quality. Of course they could have been referring to someone who is too-white-but-not-white-enough writing about discrimination against Japanese. I admit I did not have first hand experience so my article was let down in that area. Oh well, time must go on.

I wanted to dedicate a special post today to talk about why being pangender means to me. Yesterday on Tumblr while scrolling though the pangender tab I came across a post which accused all pangenders of being "white" and then accused all pangenders of cultural appropriation of genders specific to POC cultures. I did of course respond, explain the correct meaning of pangender, suggested they use Experience Project and forums to connect with other pangenders and linked them to this blog. Of course then it hit me, this blog I started up to give a deeper insight to what is pangender, pangender individuals and to explore the experiences that I faced as a pangender which people of non-binary and genderqueer face also. I haven't really done that in my posts, how can I educate when I do not give means to give people an education. 

People really don't seem to know anything about what is pangender at all; pangender is not an excuse for Angelo-Saxon white people to appropriate cultures of others. People of all races, and ethnicities can be pangender. Pangender means "all genders", pan being the Greek word for all. This does not mean pangenders claim to be Two-Spirit or Hijra. There are two binary genders, male and female. Then there is others like agender, trigender and so on. Pangender is being able to identify with all the genders, that some days you have boy days but you're not fully a boy, some days you have girl days but you're not fully a girl, some days you have genderless days but you're not fully genderless, some days you have days where your not fully sure of your gender but you're not fully that other gender and some days you feel like your all the genders at once. It's very similar to genderfluid, bigender or trigender however they are not the same. If pangender is cultural appropriation then so must these be.

I don't see pangender as stealing from specific cultures, and I am sure anyone who took the time to research and understand pangender wouldn't either. Western society has different names for gender and all sorts of names, pangender is one of them that many people identify with. Pangender is a word only used in English speaking countries and still not a even recognized as an legal gender. In the UK we still live in the cissexist and binarist society where biological sex equals gender; which is only true if you are cisgender. For anyone else this is not true one bit. For many people are trans binary or even non-binary individuals. Being pangender means I have to face a world where people tell me I don't exist or that my gender identity is cultural appropriation of a culture they themselves aren't even part off so how could know? They seem to have no knowledge of any of these other genders, nor my own. People are so quick to make bigotry assumptions with no care to whom they hurt by their assumptions. People take the world "all" and seem to draw assumptions that it applies to every single country and every single culture-which is ridiculous at best, offensive at most.

I am pangender. My name is Morgan Kaged and I live the same way you do. My gender does not make me different. Today I feel like "boy" is more dominate gender force; I want to be flat and have a penis and be seen as a boy. My sister told me that even with a binder, which I really want, that I'll never look fully as a boy should. This hurt me deeply because she was telling me that I did not match my gender, when in reality what is gender? How do our facial appearances match gender? Even though I feel as if I am a boy, I feel as though I am not fully a boy. Girl, genderless, other gender are still present in my gender identity however today I feel more as a boy. Yes it is similar to genderfluid and yes I do experience days where I am mix of two or three different genders however the others are still present just not as strong. I am never fully one gender. That is what it means to me to be pangender.

I can't speak for everyone who is pangender, I can only speak for me and my experiences and my feelings. Everyone is different and that includes how they feel and express their gender. Not one person can speak for everyone, this is inaccurate and wrong. Just because I experience something in a certain way, doesn't mean every single pangender person experiences what I feel. There are stereotypes drawn, even though not all of them are hurtful and offensive, they are still stereotypes and still wrong. Pangenders face enough discrimination without fighting stereotypes.

What pangender means to me is that I am all genders. I am not one gender, and never will be. I am not one gender on certain days but I might feel that gender more then the others. This is why I prefer gender neutral pronouns and titles, because gender titles I feel erase part of my identity. This is form of misgendering but not fully misgendering. You can call me a she because I am a girl but you are ignoring that I am also a boy, something else, something in between, and genderless at the same time. You are erasing my identity and gender therefore you are misgendering me. I chose Mx as my title because I feel it is the best one to represent my mixture of genders that inside me, that I never ignoring my identity because Mx covers them all. I know some people take off offensive with Mix or Mixter but I feel its me. To me its a great title for pangender, bigender, trigender and genderfluid people but again I can not speak for everyone. My chose of title is to express how I see myself and my pangender.

No one can take away my gender, you can pretend I don't exist, you can make prejudice assumptions, you can discriminate, you can be a binarist, you can be a cissexist, but you can not change who I am. I am pangender not because I want to steal from other cultures but because it is a term that perfectly fits and suits me best. Its not special snowflake syndrome to pretend I am oppressed, no one is pretending to be pangender. I am just me. I am just Morgan Kaged.

Regal And Royal

I had to take a break from writing my blog because I was writing an article about the racism and cultural appropriation in Avril Lavigne's new music video 'Hello Kitty' which of course took me away from my blog. No one has published it yet but I am hopeful. When I last was able to visit my blog I was talking about all the family titles I had found for those who did not fit this "pink for girls, blue for boys" world. This should be my last blog post about titles, however I am not too sure.

For an official title where is Mx, which is queer and the one I have used as my title. I have recently found out that Mx is not only short for mix but also for mixter, following the pattern of mister and mistress. I feel it follows more mister then mistress but for me it fits perfectly as a pangender individual. In any English speaking countries M is a very gender neutral title to use which is short for all titles; however in French speaking countries Monsieur so in Canada which is both an English and French speaking country using M could possibly lead to confusion. Another queer title that can be used is Misc which comes from the word miscellaneous. Personally I am not comfortable calling non-binary and genderqueer people miscellaneous, like we are randoms with no real place in the world. Another queer title is Msr which isn't really short for anything but combines both male and female titles, this is perfect for bigender people but to me as a pangender I feel it would erase parts of my gender. Mq is also a queer title which again is not an abbreviation of something. Q probably comes from queer, but I'm not sure and is following the patterns of Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss. Ind is another title and is very gender neutral; Ind is short for individual and I feel it would be excellent for agender, neutrios, genderless or nongender who feel that other titles imply a gender. 

There was also options for an non-binary and genderqueer alternatives to the binary sir/ma'am. Comrade is a great gender neutral option however given its link to communists using it my not be the best idea. Depending on where you live there is still a lot of anti-communist hatred. Friend could also be used in replace of sir/ma'am and is very gender neutral, however it's very informal so would not always be suitable depending on the situation. Citizen and Tiz also work well in replace of and they are both gender neutral-Tiz is a shortened version of citizen. These could not be used in all settings though, given how odd it sounds in every day English speech. More queer options include Mirdam which is a combination of sir and madam. Mistdam is another queer option which is a combination of mister and madam. Sir'am is another queer option suggested with is a combination of sir and ma'am. Laddam is a queer title created by combing lad and madam together. Mir which is a term I used once on Tumblr to correct someone who referred to me as a ma'am, is a queer title. Mir comes from combining madam with sir. The list also mentions that in the military sir is used gender neutrally but for obvious reasons this could not be used outside the military as it implies male. While it was not mentioned on the list but on 'Dragon Age' ser is used gender neutrally, it reminds me of womyn and boi.

There are also royalty alternatives, some which are queer. Monarch which is used often in Britain is a gender neutral to describe someone who is a King/Queen. Ruler is another alternative which is very gender neutral term used. You can be someone's Ruler instead of their King or Queen. Sovereign is another gender neutral term that is again used often in Britain, being that we do have a Sovereign, our Queen Elizabeth 2nd. Your Majesty is a gender neutral way, and highly respected way, to address the current Monarch. There are also two queer terms one could use if we did get a non-binary and genderqueer Monarch; one was Quing. Quing is combining Queen with King. Another is Caln which is based of the K and Q sound of King and Queen.  

As there were King/Queen alternatives there was also plenty of Prince/Princess alternatives. Prin is one, which comes from Prince and Princess and is queer. I think Prin would be great for agender, neutrios, genderless or nongender and maybe could be made exclusive just for them? Its the most non-gendered term I've seen. Prinxe is another queer term I've seen used based on the Prince and Princess ending. Princet is again queer and based on the Prince and Princess endings. Princette is queer and based on the Prince and Princess endings but seeing as it sounds a lot like dudette its a good one for femme non-binary. Princev is a queer title based on the Prince and Princess endings, more Prince then Princess though. Princen is a queer title and one I have seen commonly used and based on the Prince and Princess endings. Princus is another queer title used, based on Prince and Princess ending patterns. There was one more queer term and that was Princex, a lot like Prinxe but not the same. Princex however is considered a POC term-POC is an American blanket term for People Of Colour. There were all some nice gender neutral terms that could be used as well. Your Highness is a gender neutral way of addressing royality. Heir is also a gender neutral way to address someone who will one day be the Monarch.

Now to be royal its always to the Monarch, you can sometimes be a Lord or Lady. However what happens when you do not fit into this binary system? Sovereign and Ruler were suggested again as gender neutral terms used instead. Liege is another gender neutral term which could be used as an alternative to Lord/Lady as in My Liege which I have seen used often in the media. Suzerain is a gender neutral term and the feudal equivalent to Lord/Lady which could also be used. Pontentate is also a gender neutral term which is also a Latin word to describe someone who is in power. Now if you are like me who prefers queer terms which apply only to non-binary and genderqueer folk there was two choices. Lairde, which is queer and based on the la sound in Lady and the rd sound in Lord. There was also Layde which is again queer and again based on the la sound in Lady and the rd sound in Lord.

As a 'Game Of Thrones' fan I was thrilled to find that someone had added queer terms for non-binary and genderqueers to use rather then Khal and Khaleesi. I was more then thrilled, even in my fandoms I could find a place where I do exist and belong. They were Khalsine and Khalse. I couldn't tell you which I preferred but I will have to keep them in mind for fan fiction and queer headcanon.

This will be a very controversial point and I don't mean to disrespect anyone's deity. Being Wiccan I myself worship thy God and Goddess. However the list mentioned how God is not only a male term but also a gender neutral one, my friend who is a cisgender woman calls herself God all the time. I feel foolish for missing that. There was also a queer word that someone had either found or made up, it was Goddex. Goddex was based on the God and Goddess endings, and I might take to calling Loki that as Loki has many time shape shifted into female animals and become pregnant.

While there was no mention of an alternative to male/female or man/woman there was a queer option for boy/girl. Enby, which comes from the sound NB which is an abbreviation of Non-Binary. Such as you can be an enbyfriend or an fanenby-which I have added to my Tumblr and Twitter bios.

It Is Better To Have Loved

In my last post I spoke openly about finding certain titles I can use within the family. There were more I found by couldn't talk about them because a) the post was overly long for a blog and I felt it needed ending and b) it was coming up to midnight and I wanted to have posted on that day to make up for a five day absence. I then woke up late and responded to a "million and one" posts trying to defend the straight boy of using queer ships and queer fans to win certain polls and awards but then advocating for the death of one of the few canonically queer characters and showing no intention of queer representation even though the show runner has stated that his character is open to "exploring bisexuality" as that's how he always intended him to be, and then hammering on in interviews how straight the character is. My my, straight people do love to hide straight privilege and throw the openly gay writer under the bus and blame him for the interview. Yes I am sure he sat behind him and held a gun to his neck and forced him to say that.

Anyway my Tumblr is already full of it, I don't want to discuss it here also. But yes, that is why there is a day between both posts because I was dealing with Tumblr issues. Aren't I always dealing with oppressive bigots on Tumblr? Now where was I? Given that my last relationship was horrible strained because I didn't feel like a girlfriend and couldn't engage and feel comfortable addressed like even though I really did like and was attracted to the person at the time, I was still unsure of my gender hugely and suffering an identity crises the whole time. A large part of why my relationship fell apart. Being pangender I have never left like a girlfriend or boyfriend, I've never truly felt comfortable being forced into this binary world. To discovery that there was non-binary alternatives for me to use was amazing. I could be in relationships with people and not be forced to misgender myself based on the mistake doctors make.

For example I discovered that a very causal, non serious relationship it is acceptable to asked to be referred to as simply date. Date is a neutral term to call someone you are on a date with; another one is datefriend. A lot like boyfriend and girlfriend only more gender neutral. A rhyming version of datefriend is datemate, more causal and very gender neutral. Doesn't really sound like you are in a relationship with someone though, in my personal opinion. Lover was another suggestion, however this implies a sexual relationship so you really could not introduce someone to your parents as "this is my lover ____". Lover is however very gender neutral and unless you hang out with horrible slut shaming people, lover would be acceptable to use when with close friends. For a queer option boifirend is available. Boi like womyn, is use of binary terms but making them queer to describe gender identity. While boi was a queer term, its no longer exclusively clear and has been used via texts which predate most of in internet, but while once referring to gay men or butch lesbians/non-binary. Boi has become a separate gender identity in some cases, for this reason I don't think I will be using boi. Two other queer names are girlboyfriend or boygirlfriend. I suppose these two would work for someone who was bigender but not really for someone who is pangender, I identify as more then just the two binary genders. Paramour is another gender neutral term I have seen used, however a paramour is a someone you have having sexual relationships with so like lover if using it should be used somewhere carefully. Telling your grandparents this is your paramour is not suggested. Bothfriend was another queer term that can used instead of girlfriend and boyfriend; however this again doesn't really "fit" me. This term would be great for someone bigender or genderfluid even but to me this seems just as much misgendering as girlfriend or boyfriend. Gender queeries also suggested queer term genderfriend, similar to boyfriend and girlfriend. Genderfriend is okay I suppose but I'm not sure I would want to use it for myself. Sweetie and sweetheart were also two cute gender neutral, if not slightly cheesy suggestions mentioned. These would make cute nicknames along side baby and babe but I would not want to be introduced as "this is my sweetheart Morgan". I'm not in 'The Notebook'! [name]friend, where you just fill in the name with Morganfriend, pangenderfriend, etc etc is another queer option open to non binary people based on boyfriend and girlfriend. I am not really a fan of this one personally, but it is a good idea for people to use if they don't feel anything "fits" them. Cuddle buddy is a neutral, very cheesy suggestion that could also be used; however introducing someone like this is bound to result in fits of laughter. Even if the people are the open minded sweetest people, its just the one it sounds. Birlfriend is another queer option, possibly coined because of the implications of a white person using "boi" given that boi was originally coined by black gay men. I don't mind birlfriend but birl sounds like you're about to be sick so I wouldn't want someone to call me a birl. Birl is a combination of boy and girl, so not really suitable for someone who is pangender. Feyfriend is considered a gender neutral term but has queer roots, I actually quite like this one. Feyfriend is cute and doesn't misgender me. Personfriend, like feyfriend, is considered a gender neutral term but has queer roots. This is a lot like genderfriend too me. I don't know, personally I find them dehumanizing and don't see any chance of me using them ever. The last one on the list for non serious relationships; was enbyfriend. Enby comes from non-binary and is pronounced NB. So far enbyfriend is my favourite with feyfriend being a close second. As someone who is pangender I find these two suit me the best.

Now for more serious committed relationships, but not marriage or engagement there was a number of titles and names you could call a non-binary and genderqueer person. Some where repeated such as boifriend, boygirlfriend, girlboyfriend, paramour, bothfriend, genderfriend, sweetie, sweetheart, [name]friend, cuddle buddy, birlfriend, feyfriend, personfriend, and enbyfriend so I won't talk about these again. Others however included partner. Partner is perfectly acceptable and neutral term to call someone, my parents have used this for years also due to the many complications of their relationship. Significant other is another neutral term, which is acceptable to say but has a very formal view to it. More informal is its shortened version on S.O. This might be the fan inside me talking but S.O just makes me think of S.H.I.E.L.D terminology S.O being used as Supervising Officer. Other half is another gender neutral term which could be applied, if you are monogamous which I do think I am. I haven't really thought or considered polygamous relationships. Steady is a suggested term as in "going steady", but I'm not sure you can call someone your steady. Steady what? Another suggestion name was the gender neutral term soul mate. As a big fan of both 'Xena: Warrior Princess' and 'Supernatural' and as a very spiritual person I do believe in soul mates and I do love the term, however I kind of feel it might sound odd introducing someone as your soul mate. I don't want to come across as a "love sick" twelve year old. The last suggestion was another gender neutral term called loveperson. For me personally I feel I might just use both feyfriend and enbyfriend for both my causal and serious relationships.

As for an queer alternative to fiancee and fiance, there isn't one technically. Words are always changing and the world is still trying to erasure queer people so maybe in time we will have a version of fiancee/fiance. There were some terms you could use for when you were engaged however. Partner, significant other, S.O, other half, sweetie, sweetheart, cuddle buddy, steady, soul mate and loveperson were all suggestions to use. There was only one new suggestion that had not been used before, betrothed. To me this sounds too formal and unnatural on the tongue. Maybe until language develops I will just have someone introduce me as someone they're engaged too.

The same story is for wife and husband. There is no queer alternative non-binary people can use. Gender queeries offered Partner, significant other, S.O, other half, sweetie, sweetheart, cuddle buddy, steady, soul mate and loveperson with the exception of spouse instead of betrothed. I have heard spouse used many times and it is a nice gender neutral term, but I still want a queer version for wife and husband. Anyone can be a spouse but I want a non-binary word that describes all non-binary people. Hopefully language will soon evolve and there will be a legal marriage name for someone like me, until there is I have high doubts that I won't get married.

There are again more titles which I want to share but I am saving them for another blog post so this one does not run too long. I believe the next post should be my last one on titles but I could have to make it four; I know titles are not really an "exciting" pangender issue but they are important to me.

A Discovery That I Do Indeed Exist

One of my earliest blog posts was where I broke down the gender binary and noted how everything must full under the binary system. How it was full of "pink for girls, blue for boys" world where anyone like me didn't below. There were not titles for us, and I spoke about children and what my parents could introduce me as and all sorts. Living in a binary world is hard, I often felt I was "wrong" and that I didn't exist and I should be more "normal", even though the fault was not me but the people around me.

However I made a discovery on Tumblr which changed how I was thinking, it gave me hope and filled me with joy and overwhelming excitement. I was on a Tumblr user called Genderqueeries and part of their Tumblr was dedicated towards titles for genderqueer people such as myself. Being pangender I am genderqueer and non-binary and to find titles for queer people like me is amazing. I have found words to describe me which prove, yes. Yes I do exist and I just as part of our functioning society as you are. Titles and names mean so much to us, they are a large part of our identity and how we feel about ourselves. To have a title makes you feel more like an equal human being instead of a subhuman being. 

There was a number of parenting titles which made me come a little closer to the possibility that one day I could have children, providing my ASD (Autism Syndrome Disorder) can cope. I can't really cope in a work environment so it is unlikely that a crying baby will be any better. There is always reborns I suppose. Parent is a gender neutral term which I could use in everyday speech, short for that is par and per which are both lovely gender neutral terms. For something more queer I could use Dommy. Dommy is a cute combination of Daddy and Mommy, however being Welsh and British Mommy is not a term used over here. I suppose I could suitute which the Welsh form Mammy and be Dammy or the more English British term Mummy and be Dummy. There are of course problems with some of these, Dommy is a lot like a Domme of the BDMS group and both are pronounced the same. Dummy well that one speaks for itself and could come across as very ableist while Dammy is slightly better someone unfamiliar with the Welsh speech could misinterpret as damn which is in many schools considered swearing. Another queer option is Zaza which comes from Mama and Dada. I love the sounding of Zaza and so far it is my favourite. I'm wondering if Zaza could be also said like Zaz as in queer for Mum and Dad, Za as in queer for Ma and Pa, and Zazzy as in queer for Mammy and Daddy rather then using Dommy. I will have to double check that these terms are not already in use of course. I am sure I have heard Zaz as a name before too. An alternative for mother or father is a queer term zither. Zither is also an musical instrument but I don't think its a popular one so I shouldn't have no problem using zither. It's very formal so I doubt my child will be calling me this anyway. It is one I will be writing on medical and school forms though, let's just hope there is less gender discrimination by then. Another term I could use is Baba. Baba is a gender neutral term that means both father and mother, in some languages Baba means grandmother while in others it means father. I am not to sure about this one because in some languages it is misgendering myself. I would say my favourite parenting one has to be zither/zaza and I really hope I am able to use this as an pangender parent one day.

As for myself as someone with brothers and sisters I have found some titles which they can use and address me as. Sibling is a gender neutral term that I have heard of before but no one seems to want to use it for me. Sib, which is short for sibling which I think would be great to be referred too. While it seems these great gender neutral versions are lost on my current siblings I found out there is some queer options too! Sibster is a combination of sibling and sister and then there is sibter which is a combination of the term sibling and brother. I personally find sibster to roll off the tongue more but wouldn't mind a combination of sibster, sibter and sib being used when I am introduced or talked about. 

As for when one of my delightful siblings has children, for obvious reasons I can't be an Aunt Morgan or Uncle Morgan because I don't like being misgendered. It upsets me and I feel it takes away my identity as an pangender. Thankfully there were some options open to me there too. Pibling was one of them which is very gender neutral. Pibling is basically short for parent's sibling, and even short then that is a pib. A more queer version is an auncle, which sounds a lot like ankle when you say it out loud. Auncle comes from combining aunt and uncle together.  Titi is another one mentioned on the list, it's gender neutral and comes from tia which is Spanish for aunt and tio which is Spanish for uncle. Given that I am not Spanish or of Spanish heritage I do have some issue claiming Spanish terms as my own. Yes you should always try and speak as much Spanish as you can in Spanish speaking countries but not claim certain words as your own. Zizi is another gender neutral term like titi, but from the Italian zia which is aunt and zio which Italian for uncle. Since I am not Italian I don't feel I should be using Italian terms for myself, it's also been noted that in France zizi is what little children call a penis. I don't want to share the name with a penis. There is another queer term that I could use, untie or alternatively spelt unty. Both are a combination of uncle and auntie or aunty. I'm not sure which term I would like if one my siblings were to have a child-given how they're all very young I shouldn't have to worry about this just yet or for a while.

I don't have a big family, a good deal of my aunts and uncles don't take an interest in me and the ones that do will do so for a few months and they ignore me for a few years. My mother grew up in the system and I'm a bastard child, so she never boned with her family much and my step-father's family resent the bastard child that was here before their son. For the ones that are still in my life there great non binary alternatives that I could get them to call me rather then niece or nephew. One was a nibling, which is a gender neutral term made by combining niece/nephew with sibling. There was also chibling, which personally sounds adorable. Chibling is a gender neutral term which means the children of your sibling. The list also showed sibkid as one, which is short for sibling's kid which is very informal but I'm not from a fancy family. Sibkid sounds exactly what most of them would say. For a more queer term for myself there is also nephiece and niecew. Nephiece is a queer combination of nephew and niece while niecew is a combination of niece and nephew. I like the sound of them both and I think they're both pretty easy to pronoun so I guess we'll see how the very limited members of my family feel about it.

Now as for the repeated misgendering of me, instead of introducing me as their daughter they could say they're child. The problem is this sounds too weird given that I'm now nineteen. Kid is another gender neutral name but not really suitable for some situations. Another one I like is introducing me as their eldest. I am the eldest child so it does fit and focuses more on age rather then gender. A formal suggestion the list made was offspring which sounds weird in everyday speech in my opinion so I don't think I'll be using that. Sprog was a very informal suggestion but I honestly can not see the world coming out of my mother or my step-father's mouth.

If I do have children one day in the not so near future there is a good chance I'll have grandchildren. I won't want them to call me grandma or grandpa and given how many Arab countries aren't fully open to non-cisgender heterosexuals just yet so so far there are no alternatives to seedo or teta that I could use, but I don't speak much Arabic so probably for the best. There was only one queer option, grandwa based on gransma and grandpa. I like it but wa sounds like a fake baby noise cartoons use, or the sound used in the 'Wheels On The Bus' song. Some gender neutral options were included which I do like the sound of. Godparent was the obvious one, but this isn't something you can ask your grandchild to call you. The was one other gender neutral term that I wouldn't mind using, Grandy. Grandy is the short version of grandparent, grandma and grandpa so there is no gender attracted to it. It's not on the list so it probably isn't in use but I was wondering if instead of grandwa I use grandza, grandzaza, or grandzazzy seeing as I am leaning against using zaza if I have children. Alternatively if that was true I could call myself a grandzither as well, even with that no being in use much.

My dear seeto can also call me either his grandchild or grandkid. He still calls me kid even with me being nineteen so I don't think it'll be a problem for him to use these rather then gender versions.

If I was so lucky to have be a godparent, there is so far no queer version. Again I would probably use the term godzither if I was so lucky. Now I don't have godparents myself but for those reading this and don't like being called goddaughter or godson for misgendering reasons, the list didn't have any queer alternatives but godchild and godkid are perfectly gender neutral terms. 

There are more titles, for relationships and some others that I wanted to share, however it is almost midnight and I really wanted to post up a post as its been a while. Also this one as run on a bit and I believe my longest post yet but I am not to sure on that. However again it is such a relief to find non-binary terms for family.